Making Standardized Packing Lists; planning the day to pack; packing 3 days in advance; stressing over whether to take laptop, ipad or both; visualizing what issues security could present this time; wondering who is going to sit next to me; will I be bumped from my exit row seat if the flight attendant looks at me, sees through my ruse and decides a person with mental illness is simply not capable of acting in an emergency.

Yes, this is travel as a bipolar person.

I have to take a transatlantic flight Thursday and I began stressing it yesterday.  It doesn’t help I’m flying with my husband to witness Last Rites being administered to his father.  Stress and more stress is what this trip is all about.  Normally, traveling presented its own unique stress that was usually alleviated the minute I arrived at the destination.  Some trips are different.  This is going to be one of them.

At least this time I know why I freak out before trips.

Now, all I have to do is get through therapist, pdoc & manicure appointments before I board the plane.  I really hope pdoc has a pharmaceutical answer to coping with this trip a bit better.  How am I going to support my husband if I can’t even take care of my miserable self?